Relational Responsibilities
Colossians 3:18 – 4:1
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. 22 Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. 25 Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for his wrong, and there is no favoritism. 1 Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven. Colossians 3:18-4:1 (NIV)
First off, before we begin these relational verses, it is always so much easier to look at what someone else is supposed to be doing and holding them accountable than dealing with my own self - Amen? There is only one person you can change and that person is seated in your chair! Let’s seek to focus on our parts. We can lead others to desire to change by allowing the Holy Spirit to change us.
Our God is a God of order and it is His desire for His children to reflect His character. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 14:33:
33 For God is not a God of disorder but of peace. 1 Corinthians 14:33 (NIV)
Christianity does not break up the relations of life and produce disorder, lawlessness and insubordination rather it confirms every proper authority and makes every just yoke lighter. Infidelity is always disorganizing – Christianity never.
God has established an order for us in our Governments (Romans 13:1-4), our workplaces and our relationships as well. “Submit” used in the below verse is the same word used in verse 18 of our passage for today in Colossians:
1 Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3 For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. 4 For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Romans 13:1-4 (NIV)
We are all of course ultimately accountable to God therefore first and foremost our obedience lies to Him as He is the Head over all.
Read Spurgeon’s The First and Greatest Commandment (1)
Paul tells in 2 Corinthians:
10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. 2 Corinthians 5:10 (NIV)
Yet, in God’s infinite wisdom He has ordained (set forth) a practical order in our personal relations that should flow from our positions as believers in Christ. He exhorts us to perfect (mature, grow up) in our private lives. Chaos is rampant when no one is in charge – Amen? Think two year olds running amuck. We are made to be responsible to a higher authority (which is ultimately God) and we are to train those in our spheres to learn this valuable lesson. If children do not learn to obey parents then it follows that they will not obey the laws of the land which follows that they will not obey God. Obedience towards this is always for our ultimate good and God’s glory.
Flesh seems to want to rebel against such things as submission and obedience - even to God much less to man. We want to do it our own way (like the two year old) yet, when we choose this path we make it harder on ourselves and harder for the whole. We miss the blessing that God has set forth. The word “submit” simply means “to place in order under” – it is basically God’s orderly plan to follow for the making of a society that runs smoothly.
Read Michael Youssef The Delicate Balance Of Marriage (2)
V 18:
Wives are to submit to their OWN husbands (not to somebody else’s). This was God’s order of creation (first man then woman was taken from him). He was designed by God to be the head of the little community that constitutes a family. Btw, there is also order within the Godhead – Christ submits to the Father – denoting subordination though totally equal:
3 Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3 (NIV)
Submission or subordination does not mean inferiority; it simply means that the husband, not the wife, is the head of the home. Of course, there are moral limits to this submission – it is only “as is fitting in the Lord”. Just as obedience to government is commanded but only so far as the government takes its place under God. A wife is not obligated to follow her husband’s leadership if it conflicts with specific Scriptural commands. She is bound to obey God rather than any man.
The duty of the wife of submission is throughout Scripture – 1 Peter 3:1; Ephesians 5:22-24; Titus 2:5. Indeed, in Genesis 3:16 God tells Eve as part of her punishment for sinning she was to be submissive to the appropriate leadership of her husband over the family:
Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. Genesis 3:16 (NIV)
Christianity elevated the character of the wife yet it did not intend to destroy all earthly subordination and authority. In every family there should be a head – someone who is ruler to whom all should be subordinate. Where the buck stops, so to speak. God has given this prerogative to man and family rarely prospers where this arrangement is violated. We are therefore under their umbrella. God did not come to Eve after the fall rather Adam even though Eve had instigated it:
8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” Genesis 3:8-9 (NIV)
Furthermore, the effect of the wife’s faith is to love her husband and her children more and more, to be attentive to her domestic duties and to demonstrate kind affection. The goal here is like-mindedness, mutual love, confidence and respect that the wish of the husband should be the law of the wife and the desires of the wife to be the rules he would approve. We are to be one in Christ.
V 19:
At the same time God enforces the duty of submission to the wives, He instructs the husband to love their wives with all tenderness – as Christ loves the Church. The duty of the wife is to obey, the right of the husband is to lead. Husbands are responsible to love their wives and exercise loving leadership rather than dictatorial dominion. Assuming absolute authority will only embitter one’s wife, not endear her. The words “be harsh” literally means make bitter. Wives, like tender and sensitive flowers may wilt under authoritarian dominance but blossom with tender loving care. Paul states in Ephesians:
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 5:25-28 (NIV)
While the husband is in authority, it should be as in a proper manner as the Bible gives solemn injunction against abuse of power. The husband is to lead rather than control and where commands begin happiness usually ends. Whenever a husband demands or requires a wife to do anything it is usually a signal of departing affection and peace. When there are proper feelings in both parties there will be no occasion to command or obey. In a maturing marriage the husband exercises compassionate care and his wife responds in willing submission to his loving leadership.
Christ loved the Church and gave Himself to save it. He practiced self-denial and made the Church His object of intense concern. Likewise, the husband is to manifest a similar concern for his wife saving her from want, affliction and pain - willing to deny self and to bear toil and trial to promote her happiness. He is to be her natural protector, anticipate and provide for her needs and comfort her in trial even as Christ does the Church.
V 20 - 21:
Children are to obey their parents in everything. Disobedience to parents is designated in the Old Testament as rebellion against God and was severely punished. God knows the welfare of the child depends upon his/her obedience. No child who continually disobeys can have any security that he will not fall victim to life of vice and crime.
18 Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death. Proverbs 19:18 (NIV)
A child should be taught early obedience to God’s Law as it is rare for one to be prosperous or happy who is not thus obedient. Proverbs tells us:
6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)
The child is not yet qualified or competent to reason on what is right or to direct himself in obedience to God. Disobedience does not yield the fruit of virtue, righteousness or Christ-likeness. Again, Jesus sets forth an example - here for children by obeying Joseph and His mother Mary:
51 Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52 And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men. Luke 2:51-52 (NIV)
Obedience to parents pleases the Lord. There is a promise of blessing when this is done. This does not suggest that obeying one’s parents merits salvation for a child. Rather obedience reflects God’s design for order in the home. Paul wrote in Ephesians “It is right (just, proper)” for children to obey their parents:
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”--which is the first commandment with a promise-- 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Ephesians 6:1-3 (NIV)
Parents are not to let their authority over children be exercised with severity but with kindness and gentleness lest by holding the reigns too tightly they make them fly out with great fierceness. Neither should we presume on this obedience and embitter (provoke or irritate) our children by continual agitation and unreasonable demands. In doing so they will become discouraged. Also, we are to manifest Godly character as we train them up in a proper manner. Kids watch what we do much more than they hear what we say.
Obedience to parents is the first great duty which God gives children. It is particularly important because the good order of family and the community at large depends upon it. Obedience to parents is connected with virtuous habits that are conducive to long life – helping the child be industrious and productive as well as restraining wild passions saving him/her from the snares of vice and temptation. Many a life is lost early by disobeying a parent.
Fathers are not to provoke their children to anger by unreasonable commands and needless severity and by the manifestation of anger. This is addressed to fathers as they are the head of the family. The object is to show that their commands are to be reasonable and proper. We are to discipline in love and not anger and commend when they do well. We can break the spirit of a child if we are never satisfied by what the child does.
V 22-25:
Slaves are exhorted to obey their “earthly” (literally according to the flesh) masters with sincerity of heart not simply to win their favor – working as unto the Lord. Working for the Lord enhances the dignity of the labor of even slaves. It sanctifies our work when it is done for Jesus through His power. We are really doing our duty to God when we are faithful in our duty to men. Indeed, whatever one does should be with all their hearts (literally – “out of the soul”) – genuine and from within and for the Lord, not for men. It is the Lord Christ whom all Christians are serving and our final reward will be with Him:
10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. 2 Corinthians 5:10 (NIV)
He will judge in righteousness and without favoritism. God sees all – He will reward and repay.
Read Chris Tiegreen Infinite Care (3)
Read Spurgeon page 693 (4)
4:1
Masters are to provide (give deliberate care) what is right and fair (equitable). After all, masters themselves are responsible to the Lord, their Master in heaven, who treats them fairly. Deal with your servants as you expect God should deal with you.
11 He repays a man for what he has done; he brings upon him what his conduct deserves. Job 34:11 (NIV)
11 One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, 12 and that you, O Lord, are loving. Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done. Psalms 62:11-12 (NIV)
10 “I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.” Jeremiah 17:10 (NIV)
27 For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done. Matthew 16:27 (NIV)
12 “Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done.” Revelation 22:12 (NIV)
These are Beth’s personal notes, due to this fact sources are not often stated.
