15“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
Wouldn’t it be far more civil and compassionate – not to mention more merciful, loving and obedient – if offended by a brother or sister in Christ, believers would heed our Lord’s instructions presented in our verses for today? Instead, when offence occurs, we oftentimes unforgivingly run straight to everyone else - spouting forth the wrong doing - in lieu of lovingly going first to the offender. We are particularly prone to head for people we know will be readily sympathetic to our cases – building an alliance to defame and shame those who hurt us. Wounds of malice and anger that are allowed to fester and bleed internally are the most dangerous kinds. They produce lives of bitterness. No doubt, not willing to forgive and seeking revenge brings us much harm. Paul tells us in Romans:
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-21 (NIV)
Jesus gives us good reason for forgiveness in the Sermon on the Mount earlier in Matthew. We have been freely forgiven and - as our Lord demonstrated by His example - we, too, are to freely forgive:
14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matt 6:14-15 (NIV)
“Forgiveness saves us the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.” Hannah More
Jesus’ Words today include any disagreement or any quarrel among Christians. It is important to preserve Christ’s church with purity, peace and order. The world is to know us by the love we have for one another. John records Jesus’ Words in his Gospel:
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35 (NIV)
As believers we are to look at each offense through merciful eyes knowing that we often offend as well. Yet, it is not loving, kind or helpful to others or ourselves to continue to simply gloss over matters of offence – perhaps pretending they never happened - particularly if it is an ongoing pattern in another believer’s life. Does it help someone to allow them to continue in an unkind or impudent manner? We are not to wait for them to come to us rather we are to prayerfully go to them, seeking to settle matters quickly. Sins are prone to silence the conscience of those indulging in them and oftentimes help is needed to arouse it. Proverbs tells us:
6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. Prov 27:6 (NIV)
The approach should always be from a sinner to a sinner. The rebuke must also be loving, prayerful and private – “just between the two of you.” No human is perfect. All believers in Jesus are in progress (or they would be home with Him) and, as Scripture states, mercy triumphs over judgment. We must in faithfulness, meekness and love present the offence privately. The offended should not be seeking shame for their brother or sister rather repentance. Repentance is always the goal and every for the good of the offender. God does not like His children wallowing in the pig pen. This also, is Christ’s order of things for His Body, the Church. James tells us:
12 Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, 13 because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment! James 2:12-13 (NIV)
Jesus goes deeper. If the practice continues two or three others are to be taken along in an effort to reason the case further with the offender ever seeking his good. God’s work is to be done effectively with as little noise as possible. The testimony of two or three witnesses was set forth in Scripture in the Old Testament:
15 One witness is not enough to convict a man accused of any crime or offense he may have committed. A matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. Deut 19:15 (NIV)
Lastly, if the brother or sister staunchly refuses to turn the church is to examine the matter to see if the complaint is frivolous or without basis. If it is just, they are called to rebuke the offender in an effort to lead them to repentance. If that fails the offender is not to be looked upon as a demon but as one who is in a position to be received and restored. Remember, our Model left the ninety-nine sheep and went looking for the one who needed restoration.